dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
