I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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