he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
