Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
