his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Found your dick twin last night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
