I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize