We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
His hands were made for my vagina.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
