I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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