talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
