FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
