she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize