If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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