she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
