Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
