Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
