I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
