I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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