I wish I only lived at night.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
