it wasn't lemon gatorade
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize