we're blogging at a bar
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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