mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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