she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
