That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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