what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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