I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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