You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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