how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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