Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
