my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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