So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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