Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize