More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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