dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
