it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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