My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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