Little spoons don't ask big questions
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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