so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
