i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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