break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
