You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
