you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
did i just pee glitter
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