i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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