I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize