I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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