i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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