THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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