made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
