Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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