so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
