Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
