i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize