If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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