remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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