What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
