I didn't shave. On purpose
i think i have herpe
just one?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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