tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
