Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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