would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
