So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
