I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
