I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Someone signed my nipple.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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