I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
