If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
