The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize