How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
