actually, I'm a sock model
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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