CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
