I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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